remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
