the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
