no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize