i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
