chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
