Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
