make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
