the new term for farting is butt boxing.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
