Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
How does it feel to date your dad?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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