What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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