I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
