Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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