tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I want her autograph on my taint
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
