i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
