Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
