i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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