Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
