I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
