He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
