She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
