so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
