dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
