We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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