The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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