We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
