oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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