Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
