Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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