I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
