Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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