party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
