I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
