Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
