We're facebook friends in real life
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
