Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
