I'll bet she douches with gravy.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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