Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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