I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
