Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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