I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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