you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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