i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
