I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
