someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
