I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
