I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
