So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
birth control should be required to get into college
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize