i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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