she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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