I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
