Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
