I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
