drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
