Moan for me like Helen Keller
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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