she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
