He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
