Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
someone owes me an orgasm
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
