Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
