Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize