u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
