lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
