Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
