but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
