This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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