i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
