so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
