Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
