Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So much Jack, so little girl.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
