My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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