operation harelip BJ is a go
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
