just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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