dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
