this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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