he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
