i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize