I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
