You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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