Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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