I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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