Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
