There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
