It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
