At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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