Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
