I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
