remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
