ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
sarcasm needs its own font
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
