Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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