haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
