so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
we made out on top of his cat.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
either way he was missing a nipple.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
