Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
