I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
