and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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