mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize