do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
