Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
