I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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