it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
