What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
