My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
