I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
