By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
