Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
