he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
