Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
