I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize